Taking a Good Look at the Way we are Living or Not Living

“Let’s take a good look at the way we’re living and reorder our lives under God.”—Jeremiah, the prophet, 600 BC in Lamentations 3:41 in the MessageI’m convinced beyond any possible doubt, that we are in a time where all of us—from every nation and from every religion will, indeed, have to take a look at the way we are living and to do some reconfiguration.The world is fragile. Politics are a beyond a mess. Violence makes us feel thin, fragile and vulnerable. Our over crowded lives only seem to compete with an inner dissonance that reminds us in the twilight hours of night that something is really wrong.So, how do we quit lamenting our situation and cultivate some sense of change that is actually doable and that will work?  This is the question I want to invite you to sit with and reflect upon right now!Pay Attention to Your LifeTo take a good look at the way one is living in the present requires some evaluation. We need to wake up and pay attention--not just to the world--but first to ourselves!

• How are you feeling about how your life is going right now?
• Do you feel as if there is a leak in your soul or a major hemorrhage? Or how would you describe the state of your soul if you lift of the hood of your life and look down within the real you?
• What do you want your life to look like? Envision the life you long to live and write a few sentences that excavate your yearnings.

Our big temptation is to skim through this page, skimming for anything new or any riveting insight we think we already didn’t possess. It simply takes time to reflect like the way I’m asking you. With time being one of our most precious commodities in life, we have to realize that if change and transformation is going to take place in the world, in the church or in my family, it simply MUST begin with me. No one else will live our lives for us. Taking the time to evaluate what is out of order is the first step to a re-ordered life. If you charge off and put a band-aid on some leak, no change will happen. Temporary change is what we are all suspicious of and we all know there are things that simply need attention. To Re-Order one's life begins by thinking through categories of our life.We eat an elephant one bit at a time. There's really no other way to do it.  It's the same with understanding how to "do" change.Few of us can start completely over in life from a blank page. Real change is done on a cellular level. That is how cancer is destroyed—one cell at a time. To re-order one’s life means to simply choose a few categories that you feel need change:

• Your physical health: what area of your health do you want change in?
• Your sense of community and relationships: Who is your primary community? Who is the person you would call at 2am when something is wrong?
• Your job: Are you making more bricks with less straw in your vocation? Is your work your old Egypt or is there a land you want to explore in your vocation.
• Your emotional viability: What emotion describes your life best right now: anger, grief, joy, hope, sadness, contentment, satisfaction, well-being?
• Your giving back or paying it forward: To whom are you extending your hand to “step up” or “step in” or influencing in some way?

Choose a category and simply choose to be gentle with yourself. Yes, that’s right: gentle. This is not a call for 180% turn arounds. That philosophy rarely works. Lest you are too quick to think that 180% turn about is what Jesus commands, it took the original followers and repentors years before they got it right. Think about it this way: what if you could envision a quarter turn in your life in the next year. What if you could envision not just the goal you ‘d like to achieve but simpler: What if you could improve one of your categories by 25%?  That is like getting a "B" rather than a "D" on your test! Who wouldn't want that?  Only if we knew how....I’ve chosen this way of transformation. I’ve embraced my body and my health in a life changing way in the past two years. I’ve lost 65 pounds. I”ve gained the support of a few folks who are in the know to help me and I chose to begin. This next year, I’m wanting to go further. I want to lose even more weight. But looking at the American Table of how much a man my age and height SHOULD weigh seemed to always shut me down before I started. When I embraced a more gentle way of transformation I began to see the change I wanted. But deep change begins way down inside. True transformation is simply not modifying your behavior. It is transforming the way we think about the category we want to see change.I’d like to encourage you to begin thinking about this NOW---and not wait until a New Year dawns. Change starts when we start to think about what needs to change not when we simply draw a line in the sand. Change whispers to us long before we actually decide to quit something or start something. We must learn to listen to the whisper and the Whisperer! To re-order one’s life requires listening to the One who truly knows the way we should walk. We need a clarion voice which resounds within us that is truth, light and good. Every time we light a candle, we light it in the hope that the One who is Truth, Light and Good is going to dispel our darkness. How we so need this today.When the prophet Jeremiah spoke these words about re-ordering our lives, \he had to face the music of dissonance and discord. He courageously stood up and said, “Some things are really wrong. The issue begins at home. Face this and let’s change both ourselves and the course of history before it’s too late.” and awaken those who could hear him to walk in a different cadence; to march to the beat of a different drum and to start the long journey in a new direction. He was a prophet and in today’s world, we need to listen to the voices of those who see the way forward and to heed the call to do something.[tweetthis]Re-ordering one’s life is true salvation.[/tweetthis] People who try to rescue folks who are drowning are often pulled down and drown also.   Before we can save the planet, church or fix a massive problem, we need to begin with our self. One cellular layer at a time; one life at a time; one category at a time.I'd highly and strongly encourage you to get my book, Inside Job: Doing the Work within the Work and read it. Get the workbook and give yourself the time to do your inside Job. Get it here!  We're doing FREE Shipping now and it will arrive before Christmas. Gift some copies as real gifts!

Advent: How to Resist the Culture and Clutter of Christmas

It’s not too early to greet each other with this saying, “Happy New Year!” Our calendar marks the date of January 1 to begin a new page turning of our calendars. But actually, this season of Advent marks the beginning of the church year.The life of the Christian Church begins this week, the first week of Advent. Advent is a season of time, observed in many churches as a time of expectant waiting and preparation for the celebration of the birth of Jesus. The term is a version of the Latin word, meaning "coming".Celebrating Advent is one of the most meaningful ways I’ve found to prepare myself for this season. Though I wasn’t not raised in a liturgical tradition, Advent has become the hallmark for me to prepare myself for not only Christmas but the new calendar year as well.  When I practice Advent, I get the opportunity to yet again, start my life over. I am invited to step out and away from my old ways and to begin new ways of living better--living in a different rhythm; living in a deeper--more sacred way.Culture and commercialism seem to shape our understanding of time more than a significant season such as Advent. Christmas decorations were up months ago. Parties are planned. Cards are sent and the festivities have begun.  We hurry on to the NEXT holiday, skimming the surface and lapping up any real meaning we can find in these crazy days. Yet, when we practice the celebration of Advent, we begin a way to resist culture. We have the opportunity to anticipate the coming of Christ---both the first time and also anticipate the coming of Christ in his return. If we don't resist our culture, we will be absorbed by it. Advent is the simple way to choose to live in a different way in the next month--the next season of your life.Advent begins a four-week journey of waiting. We pause each day to take some time to wait. Here’s the clash with culture which is now so opposed to waiting on anything. In our 24/7 world, which is always “on” and always “available” Advent teaches us to resist the culture of consumerism and materialism by actively waiting.Four weeks of waiting---and each week marked by a different candle which is lit reminding us to wait—not hurry through these days. Each candle as a significant meaning. I'll be blogging more about the meaning each week.This week, the candle of “Hope” is lit. How we all need hope. I live in a region of the country where a Policeman was violently shot and killed just a few days ago, as were two other innocent civilians. Violence in Paris. Violence in the Mid-East. Terrorism. It's too much it seems. Violence in our own hearts by such much busyness. Outer violence takes over the news and spotlight but inner violence is caused by such much hurry and scurry and no time more than right now. The monk, Thomas Merton wrote, “To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns (Which party? Which event? How can I get all I have to do ‘done?’; to surrender to too many demands (you already know what you have to get done by the end of the year); to commit oneself to too many projects (all the things you WANT to do but how will you get it ALL done?”; to want to help everyone in everything (we want to extend our love and care but how do we do this and to whom?) is to succumb to violence.” [Emphasis is mine]. [tweetthis]Advent is a way to give me renewed perspective every day! And how we need a new perspective with so much going on around us and in us![/tweetthis]The Bible is filled with stories of violence. Bad things happened to good people. Wars, natural disasters and disease are all recorded in the stories of the Scriptures. Yet, after each violent period of time---there was the message of Hope. All is not lost. All is not over. There is hope.God is author of time and history and in God’s time table, there is no bad ending. This is why Advent is so important and powerful. When we light a candle, we light the candle in the HOPE that more light will come than we have right now. Though the candle may burn with a diminished wick, it’s still lit and through time and in time, the light will burn brighter.Advent is choosing to resist the culture and to slow down not hurry. Advent is the time for community to do the same.Here are some suggestions to begin Advent this week.

1. Get a candle and place it prominently in your den or living room. Light it each morning and sit in silence for 10 minutes BEFORE you start your day. Resist the culture of hurry by starting slow.
2. Read this online article for more helpful background and suggestions: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/markdroberts/series/introduction-to-advent/
3. Get 4 candles and some greenery and make a simple Advent wreath. Practice the lighting of the candles each Sabbath and take an extended time of silence.
4. Practice silence each day and use Solitude as an exercise to get away from the noise and busyness in the midst of your day. Take a walk alone. Sit outside on a bench. Sit in our office/cubicle alone with all your technology “off” or on airplane mode for two 10 minute breaks in the day.
5. Read this excellent blog where wonderful resources are recommended: Best Advent Resources for 2015
6. Start today. It's not too late. Resist the culture and choose to wait!

Navigating the Turbulence in Life

Turbulence is when things in life become unstable. It happens whether you are flying high in great altitude or moving fast in life—you hit a bump and everything is in uproar. There is commotion, confusion and hullabaloo.You don't feel stable. You feel like you are out of sync with yourself and everyone around you. You feel nauseous and sick.  It takes a while to recover and you may find you're moving so fast in life, you simply don't have time to recover, so you press on. You press through and you call it all the abundant life.It’s called, “when all hell breaks loose” as the saying goes because when someone experiences the turbulence of a sudden change in life; a new move, a new job, the death of a loved one or the disappointments we so often in experience in life, our world is suddenly jolted and lose our equilibrium. It’s dizzying.[tweetthis]Here are five things we can do to regain our equilibrium after we have experienced turbulence in our lives. [/tweetthis]By the way, none of these are new—they are all based on ancient wisdom and practiced by countless people who came before us. These are the five practices I am choosing to incorporate into my life--after having felt the turbulence of my re-entry from a time off from work--a sabbatical  ( I wrote about this in the last post on feeling jolted. ):

1. Choose to return to some form of rhythm. When life is spinning and confusing, make the choice to get off the spinning hamster wheel by embracing a slow—or slower speed that you are experiencing.  Some rhythm is better than being strapped to a fast moving rocket. Any rhythm is better than no rhythm at all. Take a break. Take ½ day or a full day and practice the art of slowing. Take your day off—a Sabbath—a day of ceasing and not moving fast. Rhythm resets your internal world and recalibrates the heart as well as the mind.
2. Choose silence every day.Move away from words and noise—even music in the ear buds and be quiet. Without some sense of silence, it is virtually impossible to re-establish a healthy soul. We live in a noisy word and for many of us we have a continual “committee meeting” going on inside our heads. Silence assuages the noise and dizzying voices we navigate.
3.  Choose Stillness. Take 20 minutes one time a day and choose to listen to God. The “still, small voice” is so often drowned out in our speed, busyness and plate spinning. Sit still. Be intentional about choosing to be still and to listen.
4. Choose to pray. Praying is where you voice your deepest longings, desires and yearnings to God. Consent to having a conversation with God. During our four month sabbatical, I focused on prayer partly because I knew I needed to deepen my prayer life which nearly all spiritual masters talk about; did and enjoyed. AFter four months of focus in this one area, I'm here to say, I'm so glad that by practicing prayer more--I am seeing and experiencing the fruit of prayer more.
5. Choose gratitude. You can complain about being out of sync with yourself and everyone else. You can be a spectator. Or you can choose to express thanksgiving. Thanksgiving melts the hardest of hearts and softens the soul to enjoy. To give thanks is the most God-like and Jesus like activity we can participate in. To withhold thanksgiving is perhaps the ultimate form of selfishness.

 It may sound all to simple. But these five practices are now a part of my daily routine as I re-engage with my work and try to get myself unstrapped from a speeding rocket and also move away from spinning plates and live a life that I want to enjoy--a life I really want to live. [tweetthis]Each choice: choosing rhythm; choosing silence; choosing to listen; choosing to pray and choosing to pray establish our daily equilibrium.[/tweetthis] Each of these choices are also counter intuitive and counter cultural. To choose to do any of the five practices is choosing to go against the flow and work ethos embedded into our minds. By practicing any or all of them will be a prophetic all for you to swim up stream and to live in a different way and to be a different person. After all, if you feel so dizzy from all the turbulence you are experiencing, then you know the current way you are choosing to live is simply not working for you. [tweetthis]There really is a different way to live from all of the craziness we are experiencing and it begins with simple choices to live in different ways.[/tweetthis] For more on this, please read the Chapter in Inside Job on Rhythm and do the exercise in the accompanying workbook available at www.myinsidejob.org 

More about "The Jolt": Finding Peace when Jolted

A  dear friend of mine read my blog about being so jolted after returning to my work life after our sabbatical. I've been sitting with these words all day and I just wonder now, if these words might not really be an encouragement to you.  What do you think?"What can you say about maintaining inner peace, and finding it again when we have lost it, in our busy world?—I should start by saying that I wish I myself were better at this. I do travel and it is a struggle. But there is a principle in the Orthodox life: that [tweetthis]peace travels with you if it lives in your heart and isn’t simply a set of circumstances.[/tweetthis] If what I identify as peace is a quiet room, a lack of busywork, a lack of noise, a lack of people, a lack of distractions, it’s easy for that peace to be taken away from me the moment that I’m removed from that nice quietude into a bustling environment. If, however, peace is a condition of interior quietude, where the heart is resting in Christ even in the midst of a city, then you have a peace that cannot be taken away, a peace that travels with you.Now, this is not at all to go against the saying you mentioned. Even St. Anthony, so many centuries ago, said “a monk out of his cell is like a fish out of water.” Yes, of course there are places that God gives us specifically to foster peace, and when we depart from those places—like a monk from his cell, or a priest from his parish, or a husband from his wife—when circumstances force a person to move away for a time from the environment that God has given him to create peace, of course when you go back there are long periods of readjustment to get back what you had lost. But that doesn’t negate the fact that [tweetthis]peace travels with you if it lives in your heart and isn’t simply a set of circumstances.[/tweetthis] This is the peace that we see in the martyrs, who remain peaceful when they are at home or when they are in the arena with the lions; who remain peaceful when they're preaching amongst friends, or when they’re on the pyre and the flames are licking their feet—the peace that passes all understanding, as the Scriptures put it (Phil. 4:7). And that’s what we have to foster if we are to even remain sane in the modern world, because the modern world strives to steal our peace from us all the time. The world is a constant hive of distractions; and if our peace is external, then the world will win. It will always win, in that sad circumstance. But if the peace of Christ lives in the heart, then the world can’t defeat it.How do we attain that peace? We attain that peace by striving to live the life of the Church, praying so far as we can with consistency, every day letting prayer infuse our lives. That’s not to say everyone needs to have a three-hour prayer rule, but whatever one’s rule of prayer, it has to be consistent so that that breath is there every day. Confess regularly, frequently, because that empties the heart of the enemies of peace. It empties the heart of turmoil and torture and pain which prevent peace from residing in the heart. To confess frequently, regularly, to pray every day, so far as is possible to go to the services as regularly as one can, to be compassionate to other people, forgive those who wrong us—these are the things which create peace and which can be exercised anywhere. You can forgive your enemies on the bus just as easily as you can at home, if you, at that moment, in your heart determine not to hold onto your bitterness. So the whole world can be an avenue of gaining peace, if you understand peace to be inward. Of course it’s much easier in the places that God anoints for peace-making—in a temple, in a cell, in a marriage—which is why God blesses those things. It’s why God gives us temples and marriages and monasteries. But God has also created the world, and as much as we distort and disfigure the world, it is still His world. God will use even this fallenness that we have fashioned, for our redemption. [tweetthis]So in the midst of society, in the midst of a city, there’s the opportunity for peaceful hearts.[/tweetthis]"-While visiting Moscow during the month of June, Archimandrite Irenei (Steenberg), rector of the Sts. Cyril & Athanasius Institute for Orthodox Studies in San Francisco and an Archimandrite of the Russian Orthodox Church Outside of Russia, visited Sretensky Monastery for an interview with Pravoslavie.ru. Father Irenei, a scholar of patristic and early Church studies, is also known as the founder of the Monachos internet forum, dedicated to the study of Orthodoxy through its patristic and monastic heritage, and as the host of the “A Word from the Holy Fathers” podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

The Jolt of Re-Entry

When our sabbatical ended, I was not prepared for the jolt I would experience upon re-entry to my “normal” life. I had hopes that my sabbatical would be life altering. We really needed and wanted “things” to change. But then the unfolding of the fact that our sabbatical had ended: Finished. Completed. It was culture shock. I was taken back by the harshness, abruptness and violence I felt from leaving one world of rest and renewal and now entering a world of work I had left.I wish now, that someone would have warned me about this jolt. I could have used a longer, more gentle ramp to enter my life again. I needed a ramp to reengage with my work. I wanted life to be kind. Not violent. Without a ramp offered me, I got back on the freeway of life. Sabbatical stopped and I felt as if I have been strapped to a rocket speeding through the air. I have felt out of orbit and out of sync ever since I started my work again--if I am honest with you!When I enter an express way or interstate highway in my car, there is always a ramp where I am suppose to accelerate my speed gradually. The longer the ramp…the better it goes. I am not expected to go from stop to seventy miles and hour in less than ten seconds. Finding no ramp for me to gain momentum to re-enter the work world I had left, I just got back on the face track of work and it has not gone well for me. I think it has not gone for the dear folks around me. I see it in their faces. I have felt distress. I have oozed distress and I’m confident that my distress has centrifuged out of me into the fast lanes of those I encounter.The sweetness of my sabbatical feels now like a land I once visited years ago—a foreign land with a foreign tongue that I had learned to speak--sort of. I have a recollection of my extended times of reading, reflection and comprehension. Everything then seemed to make sense. I practices going slow. I was unhurried. There was time for everything that brought me life. I had a different perspective. My heart was renewed in a sort of “first-love” fascination with God, nature and all things spiritual.Now, I feel as if there is a steady leak in my soul—a leak that I fear will drain me. I do not feel as if my feet are on the ground—that I do not yet have my feet back under me to travel well. It does not seem I am living well right now despite the sabbatical. In my dark times, I wonder “Was Sabbatical even worth it?” “Was it really worth me taking that kind of time off and being away if now, upon re-entry, this is what I get for that precious time off?”If I had my sabbatical to do over, I would have built a longer, more steady ramp back on to the freeway of my life. My sabbatical revealed how much I disdain the freeway life anyway. Sabbatical offered me the time to "ruthlessly eradicate hurry" from my life and enjoy life not survive life. I would have built more time into my time off to prepare more to re-enter my life. I think I would have liked to be more kind to myself and also to others. My swirling seems to be contagious I find. When I speed up, the wake behind me gets bigger and seems to topple people I never intended to topple. Perhaps, I would have designed a way to work part-time for a couple of weeks—perhaps a month. What is the hurry about anyway?Did my hurry to re-engage stem from my own need to be needed---a sickness that drives so many leaders?I remember looking at my calendar with concern as the end of sabbatical approached. I recall thinking, “Well, it’s going to be full. It’s going to be busy. But, Steve, you can do this. This is life. This is reality.” I remember thinking and being coached that after sabbatical, the big word is this: integration. Integrate all you’ve learned from sabbatical into life and you’ll do fine. Well, that word “fine” is what I’m trying to find—attempting to experience. Things have not felt fine. It’s been a jolt and the jolt has dropped me to my knees and humbled me in a way to feel more powerless than confident. And the word "integrate"--just how do you fold in, blend in and absorb such life giving times when now everything feels like clock work and making me feel so "chop-chop".Within our first three weeks back in the saddle, I had spoken ten times; sat with 25 people in one on one sessions listening to their life and worked diligently with my publisher to make sure I was doing every necessary for the release of my new book, Inside Job. It was too much. For lack of finding a ramp, I found myself back on the fast lane.It dawned on me that I am being taken to the mat of life—now wrestling with everything I wrote in Inside Job. I am having to live it—to live the message in this book as if I never wrote a word printed on each page. It is for me. This is the time for me to continue my own Inside Job of redefining what success looks like, smells like and feels like and adjusting—yes—adjusting my new definition of success to my life and lifestyle. I’m being forced to find my own rhythm of walking to the cadence of a beat God has set for me—not humanity. My desires are on the surgical table it seems. My heart is being opened wide to having my longings filleted and exposed and forcing me to think like this: What do I really want? What is God’s best for me? How can I engage in my life with the hope that my own life will be marked by a robust sanity and a daily resilience.I greatly underestimated the jolt of re-entry. Perhaps you have too when you came back from a trip; a vacation; a time off where it seemed you tasted a different wine that was so good—so renewing that you vowed to never drink any other wine but that one wine you just discovered. It really is odd how we as humans make vows like that and then go buy the cheap stuff hoping it will taste the same. Cheap is never the same, is it?Now that I’m in the saddle, my work within my own work is to find my stride and now walk in that cadence with renewed determination and a deeper conviction. It’s just that it is far, far harder than I ever anticipated.The truth that discovered me in my sabbatical will, through time and in time, be integrated into my life—into my work. I feel like all is not loss--not loss at all. But it does reveal my need to continue to do my own 'work within my work. It will be a slow integration. It will be a process. This is to confess that I am not fixed; perfect and I am not yet where I want to be. What I know is this: I am not like I use to be. I am on my way. This is a journey. Not a race, right?

The Gift of Bewilderment

 “Only at the periphery of our lives, where we, and our understanding of God, are undone, can we understand bewilderment as an occasion for another way of knowing.”   Belden Lane There is nothing like being the only one walking on a desolate beach in the cool dawn of morning and stumbling upon a beautiful, broken shell that speaks to you. Now of course you know that I don’t mean the shell said something, yet it was as if, it did. I couldn’t help but plunge into the wonder of its delicate markings that formed a spiraling circle, as if to be the very mapping of the journey my heart was on. I couldn’t help but go subterranean, that place deep inside where there is no vocabulary to articulate the feeling or what I knew to be true. I was in awe, speechless. So much was being said and I was listening intently. Pondering the beautiful and the brutal of what I was ushered into left me silent and still. I dared not move for fear of losing the very encounter that my heart always longs for.So how do I describe to you what it was like for me to encounter God through a shell? It was strangely sacred, like God and I have this private exchange about the realities that are too deep for human words, so paradoxical, the silent beautiful and brutal truths mingling together way down deep, with just God and me. At times like this a gnawing frustration burrows deep too. What do I do with these wordless ponderings? The painful emotions of grief and the soothing comfort of the salt air undo me. I’m left bewildered by my inexpressible soul.While being steeped in stillness for a while, God showed me something about myself and about himself. Frustration was coming from trying so hard not to be bewildered by the deep stirrings in my heart. I was actually trying to make common sense out of something holy. God assured me of the need for quite the opposite. My bewilderment is blessed and not to be boxed up and clearly identified. Bewilderment is, as Belden Lane expresses, “an occasion for another way of knowing God. “ To be undone by the ripping grief of death is an occasion for another way of knowing God. Consoled by the beauty of strolling on a lonely beach was an occasion for another way of knowing God. Listening to the loud silence of what a shell had to say was an occasion for another way of knowing God. I didn’t have to articulate and make it understandable. It was all it had to be.To articulate what is deeply spiritual isn’t always the right thing. I wonder if a lot of Christians talk incessantly, preach too long, and teach too much because to remain in mystery is too threatening to their stated faith. Perhaps, we thirst for more information about God than experiencing the mystery of God. To embrace the mystery of the unseen and indescribable is to experience a quiet peace that surpasses the need to explain or understand. And it is a sweet peace that is palpable.Sabbatical often ushered me into this bewildering place and I found myself glad and knowing that I can rest in bewilderment. 

Thwarted!

It was finally time. The long awaited, desperately needed Sabbatical was now to be a reality. I felt like a runner in position, bent over the starting line ready to break lose as soon as the gun fired. Already I had heard “On your mark, get set…” . Waiting with baited breath to hear “GO”, I didn’t, I heard something else. Fear shouted loudly instead. Suddenly guilt coursed through my veins when just moments earlier it was desperate anticipation and excitement. The ‘GO” dwindled into a muffled whisper and all I could hear were the deafening shouts of fear, guilt and shame. My hope and joy for Rest, Renewal and Retooling fell dead in their tracks…thwarted!

Thus began my encounter with that which had me in such desperate need of Sabbatical in the first place. Fear has that subtle way of smearing its sticking film over everything. The latest layer of it settled on my heart when I realized that by choosing rest, I was choosing trust. My sabbatical would mean a relinquishing of my most important post; that post as a loving mother to my son and daughter in law who were weeks away from the birth of their son who they knew would die shortly after holding him in their longing arms. They needed me! Choosing rest would mean trusting God to care for them better than I could. Could I trust like that? Would I? The fear of being a ‘bad mom’ paralyzed me and quickly gave way to guilt. Guilt sucked the breath right out of me when I saw that I had a choice to make. Would I choose to put the oxygen mask on myself before trying to be the oxygen of all oxygen I thought my grieving kids needed? What if they got mad at me for leaving for a few weeks? What if they really needed me and I wasn’t there? What if…?? Fear to guilt to shame! Shame on me for being needy…and the beat goes on.These wicked triplets, fear, guilt and shame, disguised themselves to be the culprits that were proud to thwart, to hijack the divine plan that was provided and in place for my health and well being, for I really was in a desperate state. But, as is usually the case with chronic exhaustion, my guard was down, sound judgment was lacking. I was ready to blame anything or anybody for what was really my own choosing. I was too tired and worn to see that the very best way to help my children was to choose trust. The providential timing for Sabbatical was the first of many invitations that I courageously chose to accept. By choosing rest I stood with holy resolve in the deceitful faces of fear, guilt and shame and they had no power over me. My kids blessed me and sent me to the One who had open arms outstretched for me, trusting that He would return me to them with my open arms outstretched and ready to hold their broken hearts. And I did.Proverbs 3:21-24  Guard sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight…then you will go on your way in safety and your foot will not stumble; when you lie down you will not be afraid.

The Dilemma of Mental Pain and Soul Care

“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.”― C.S. Lewis, The Problem Pain The church fails big time in the area of mental pain and mental illness. It's easy to understand why.  The brain, mental illness and depression are all subjects gaining and growing in research, knowledge and recovery.  We didn't know too much about mental anguish until more recently. While the church fights over whether or not Calvinism is the elite belief system, many of it's members could care less. I am one of them. In the last 15 years of ministry, I have NEVER had one person ask me whether or not I was a Calvinist or something else, but I have had thousands ask me, "How can I get rid of this dark depression which lurks within me?"  More people ask me about their inner sadness than they do about infant baptism vs. believer's baptism.  More are perplexed about their bi-polar brothers and spouses, than about whether the bread in communion is really the actual body of Jesus Christ.Mental anguish is on the rise as our world comes to the understanding the people cannot cope with the stress, speed and frailness of a world spiraling out of control.  Right now at Christmas, more pharmacists are filling more anti-sad drugs than ever before in the year. It is the season to be jolly, yet why are so many us living with a mental darkness that no candle, flashlight or spot light can dispel.I am the personal witness to mental anguish and mental illness.  I have family members who have suffered without volunteering to experience the grip of being diagnosed to a depression that won't leave them. I have personally seen the costs that my friends and family have paid for being mentally ill. They are misunderstood. They are afraid. They hide their real stories by only telling an outer story that is short, curt and simple. But their inner lives are complex, lonely and filled with fear. There's hardly anyone whose own lives has not been touched by some family member or friend that has been in pain in their minds and hearts.You don't see on any Sunday School roster a class for: Parents of Bi-Polar Children; Spouses married to the  clinically depressed. You never hear an announcement in Advent--this dark season of waiting, for all who are depressed and feel lonely, meet in room 101 after the service.  But why not?Facebook is filled with images of friends who have broken their arms while skiing but none of my depressed friends and family members show their forlorn faces on social media. We would not tolerate such realism on our screens. America's fascination with "Duck Dynasty" shows one side of being real. But what about a reality show about bi-polar families and the drama they experience with mood swings; the high costs of medicine and social isolation.One of my closet friends these days is a man who suffers deeply. Never in my life have I heard such a story. It is filled with the drama that only a movie could truly tell. I'll spare you his pain--his story and reality because most likely, this is bringing to your own mind, someone you know who truly suffers yet is really not allowed to suffer in an acceptable way.oThe Care of the Soul involves touching the minds of those of us who are truly disturbed--truly in anguish--truly in pain.  Soul Care is never just care of one's faith or relatoinship with God. Soul Care involves the whole person--the whole mind and the whole back holes that any of us fall into from time to time.The older I grown, the more I really do like the Apostle Paul. In his later books, he's honest, confessional and real.  II Corinthians reveals an older, much wiser man than the author of the letter called 1st Corinthians. Paul learned more and knew more. He's more transparent. He's more real and he's more my kind of man and author! Listen to what he says:^8-11 We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us.OK. Here's Paul saying he was so incredibly depressed that he may have been suicidal.  Yes, read this in several of your translations. Here we have the author of most of the New Testament confess that he was so incredibly depressed, he thought he was going to die.Paul gives us permission to talk about mental anguish.  I'm so tired of Christians who ignore this--who are afraid to tell their friends--their small groups and their pastors that they are just like Paul. Good heavens! What have we done? In the Bible, we have suicide, depression and even Paul's unthinkable dilemma.  It's OK for us to talk; to explore; to help and perhaps to cure the anguish of so many beautiful souls.As we wait in the dark Advent of this time of year, may the Lord bring to your own mind and across your path someone you can simply love and perhaps be the incarnate presence of Jesus to in some very small--perhaps very insignificant way....but perhaps will be the light--the way forward for someone in pain. What resources would I recommend on this subject?The very best chapter I have read on depression and understanding what's it's like to be depressed was written by Parker Palmer in his book, "Let Your Life Speak". I use this book and chapter as much as I refer people to the Bible.The Anatomy of the Soul by my dear friend and colleague, Dr. Curt Thompson helps educate the lay person on the brain and how transformation happens and it's connection to our spiritual life. It's excellent and by all means, start with this one.Copyright 2013. Stephen W. Smith. All Rights Reserved. 

The Bitch-goddess of Success by Stephen W. Smith

Friends, this is another entry I'm working on for a new and upcoming book, titled, "THE WORK BEFORE THE WORK: Spiritual Formation in Leadership". I'm using Peter's great words in II Peter 1: 3-19 as my text and guide to help redefine how our now addiction to leadership in work and church has gotten us into trouble. Peter sets out to correct this fallicy.

I invite your feedback. I want it. Please feel free to leave your comments here on the blog so many can benefit and we can help this book become better than I can do it alone!

Leadership vs. Followship

The reason why Peter is such a great example of a leader is simply because he was a follower first. Peter was a follower of Jesus.  He began this journey of being a follower when Jesus identified him as a potential follower and invited him to leave his fishing nets and to begin the journey of becoming a follower.[1] Peter already had a career. He was a fisherman. But as Jesus’ invitation converged with Peter’s inner itch that the fish could never scratch, a union of need and opportunity transpired in Peter’s heart. Peter left the boat and began the long, arduous journey of transformation as a follower of Jesus.  As he followed, Peter discovered a new way to do his life. As he followed, Peter had a model in Jesus to scrutinize and learn from in his life.  As a follower, Peter would be introduced to a new paradigm of ethics, character and priorities. His life would never be the same as his entire example of how to do life; how to do faith; how to do leadership would all be transformed into a new model—one that he clearly offers us in his own writings.

As an eye-witness to the life and teachings of Jesus, Peter found himself right in the middle of conversations with Jesus and situations that morphed the old ways that Peter did his life into the new ways introduced by Jesus, himself.  Peter’s two letters to us, contained in the New Testament are really Peter’s fleshing out for us the implications of the teachings of Jesus.

Peter does not offer us the Laws of Leadership; he offers us an on-going journey of following Jesus.  In essence he offers us what I am calling, “the work before the work”.  It’s not about leadership.  It’s about followship.  This is all underscored in Peter’s own life when Jesus asked Peter if he truly loved him. Jesus summed it all up by reminding Peter that true love is expressed by followship—not leadership.[2]

Navigating an obsession with Leadership

At the end of the 20^th century and now into the 21^st century, the American business and ministry has become obsessed with leadership. Leadership books, seminars and conference invitations fill our in-boxes with a plethora of opportunities to learn more about effective leadership.  The Christian leadership “industry” is a multi-billion dollar, sleek movement that lures men and women into thinking that leadership is the key to nearly everything in life. As one well-known and best selling Christian author said, “Everything rises and falls on leadership.”  We’re offered stories and statistics to prove that this proverb must be true.

It’s a false Gospel. If this were true, I would only imagine that Jesus would have spoke about leadership more than he actually did. There are only a couple of verses in the Gospels where Jesus addresses leadership and each time he does, he redefines leadership as servanthood, not leadership. None of the four eye-witnesses of Jesus’ life and teachings tell us that Jesus would have ever said anything close to what we are being led to believe today. But what we find, when we read the eye-witness accounts of what Jesus actually did talk about was followship—not leadership.  Jesus clearly said that if you want to be a leader, then you must take on the posture of a servant—not an effective leader. Why then, don’t we see seminars, conferences and books on effective servanthood and followship?

Our Dirty Little Secret

I think the reason we don’t is because we, in our culture have a dirty little secret that we hold to deep in our heart. This dirty secret is actually a form of idolatry which says, “Being a good leader will make me successful. So I should pursue being a good leader then if I want to be successful.” Life becomes about being successful and success and the fruits of success will give me the abundant life.”  Success has become our idol. Be a successful leader. Be a successful CEO. Be a successful pastor or missionary. We can’t imagine life without thinking of it in terms of being a successful somebody. At this core of this passion to succeed is the idolatrous drive to be a leader and not be a follower.

We have things mixed up. The “successful” church now mimics a corporation feel many times. The successful pastor must become a “Chief Executive Officer,” not a shepherd or servant. The “successful” CEO is applauded for their results regardless of their drivenness; busyness and addition to performance. The successful market place leader is measured by external markers rather than heart, character and integrity markers. We applaud the leaders and sit at their feet to listen to their principles. The pursuit of excellence has shaped us into becoming an enthralled, performance addicted culture. We mimic the culture of the world, not the culture Jesus sought to establish. This dis-ease has infected our business world, our church world and our desires deep within.

 

The Bitch-Goddess of Success is alive and well today!

William James, author, philosopher and psychologist told us over a hundred years ago that success is the national disease of America.  He explained that success had become the “bitch-goddess” that allures us; captivates us and then captures us to be its own servant.  But wait a moment, isn’t “bitch-goddess” a bit over the edge in our pursuit of the American dream? Aren’t we entitled to be successful by our Constitution? It feels un-American to say such a thing and un-Christian too!

The lure of being successful without restraint is exactly what Jesus, Paul and Peter all sought to warn us of; many of the Old Testament writers too! The danger of wealth, the threat of unbridled leadership, the dark side of management and more were at the core of their teaching.

Moses feared success for his people more than he feared a life in the wilderness. He warned his people of the imminent danger of what success can lead to:

Make sure you don’t forget God, your God, by not keeping his commandments, his rules and regulations that I command you today. Make sure that when you eat and are satisfied, build pleasant houses and settle in, see your herds and flocks flourish and more and more money come in, watch your standard of living going up and up—make sure you don’t become so full of yourself and your things that you forget God, your God,

the God who delivered you from Egyptian slavery;the God who led you through that huge and fearsome wilderness,those desolate, arid badlands crawling with fiery snakes and scorpions;the God who gave you water gushing from hard rock;the God who gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never heard of, in order to give you a taste of the hard life, to test you so that you would be prepared to live well in the days ahead of you.

 If you start thinking to yourselves, “I did all this. And all by myself. I’m rich. It’s all mine!”—well, think again. Remember that God, your God, gave you the strength to produce all this wealth so as to confirm the covenant that he promised to your ancestors—as it is today.[3]

The great danger of unbridled success is that it can intoxicate us by its allure and power to make us think, “We did it all.”  “Look at what I have become.”  That is the bitch-goddess whispering to us.

            Famed author and translator of the Bible, J.B. Phillips wrote in his, “The Danger of Success”

“I was in a state of some excitement throughout 1955. My work was intrinsically exciting. My health was excellent; my future prospects were rosier than my wildest dreams could suggest; applause, honor and appreciation met me everywhere I went. I was well aware of the dangers of sudden wealth and took some severe measures to make sure that, although comfortable, I should never be rich. I was not nearly so aware of the dangers of success. The subtle corrosion of character, the unconscious changing of values and the secret monstrous growth of a vastly inflated idea of myself seeped slowly into me. Vaguely I was aware of this and, like some frightful parody of St. Augustine, I prayed, 'Lord, make me humble, but not yet.' I can still savor the sweet and gorgeous taste of it all: the warm admiration, the sense of power, of overwhelming ability, of boundless energy and never-failing enthusiasm. It is very plain to me now why my one-man kingdom of power and glory had to stop."

Becoming, a “one man kingdom of power and glory” is the danger. Success can make us comfortable so much that we will forget who it is that is behind our success. It’s not that success is wrong. It is that success has a hidden, rival power to God and that  is precisely the threat and why the term “bitch-goddess of success” just might need to resurface in our world, our businesses and our small groups to remind us of the threat.

Together, the writers of the Bible call us to another way to “do” life; another way to do leadership; another way to re-think what life is really about. This is most likely why Peter must have felt compelled to remind us of what is really important in life and how true character is shaped. It is precisely why he urges us to “escape the corruption in the world cause by evil desires.”[4]

Evil Desires: Calling a Spade a Spade

“Evil Desires.”

The “Bitch-Goddess” of success.

We have a problem!

These two forces—evil desires and the Bitch goddess are at work within us and around us. They are interlinked in the dark, deep, lower quadrant of the human heart. It is the quadrant that Peter seeks to shed light upon for us.  It is what inspired the American Poet, Mary Oliver to write,

“The heart has many dungeons. Bring the light. Bring the light.”

Peter, as a leader simply brings the light of understanding for us to see the evil desires and expose the bitch-goddess of success for what they really are: alternative and competing religions to being a follower of Jesus Christ.

Peter, himself felt both the lure and the enticement of these two rival forces in his own life and the Gospel writers expose Peter’s, and the other original followers of Jesus own dungeons of darkness.  When James and John inquired about status and position in the after-life with Jesus and about who would be seated closest to Jesus in heaven,  Jesus set them straight. It’s not about status and position. He nailed them and exposed their dark hearts again telling them the importance of being a “servant of all.”[5]  He wraps us his rebuke of their darkened desires by telling both them and us, “For even the Son of Many did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.”[6] 

To serve and to give---become the hallmarks of followship and leadership when they are healthfully married.  Not power. Not status. Not leadership.

---

[1] Mark 1:17

[2] John 21:19

[3] Deuteronomy 8:11-17

[4] 2 Peter 1:4

[5] Mark 10:35-45.

[6] Mark 10:45

Transitions

Transitions are the times and seasons in life when we find that we are in the in-between.  We're not there yet. We've not arrived and we find ourselves in the middle--sometimes a very awkward place to be.Every one in my immediate family is in some form of transition. Our oldest son and family are moving to a new location--a new state and into a new job. They are in transition. Our second son is deployed and his wife is at home growing in her pregnancy. They are in transition having never had a child before and not being together in the all important season of pregnancy because he is deployed in the US Army. Our third son is in transition moving to a new city to take a  new job and our fourth son and his wife are also in transition.  So, as Gwen and I look at our life, we too, are in major transition. We've not lived in our real home for a whole year. We're now in a rented house---looking for a more permanent home.Transitions are a part of the new normal in life when we move, seek jobs, start new relationships, end old ties that we've enjoyed. Transition is ours when we begin something; end something; try something new and embrace a new change in life. Transition is not arriving. It's the middle. It's the time when you've left but you have not arrived. And this particular season is hard, stretching and squeezes our comfort zone and makes us feel, well, uncomfortable. Change is hard.When you read the Scriptures, you find all the characters of the drama of God's history were in transition. They were pilgrims---headed to somewhere different; somewhere other than where they had been.  Pilgrimage is a major metaphor of the Christian life.  The Scriptures remind us, "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage." Psalm 84:5. Read that verse again.While in transition, our strength is in God---not ourselves.While in transition, we set our mind on the real goal--the ultimate goal of seeking God and living in God's kingdom.This life---it is all really transition, isn't it. We're always needing to embrace change. Change in our health. The fragile nature of life reminds us of how quickly things change. An unexpected death of a loved one or friend, reminds of the transition of grief. The diagnosis from a doctor puts us in transition when we realize that even our bodies are in a transition. Aging is the transition that prepares us for the next life which is ours in heaven.I find myself praying for my family in this tender time. Big changes are ahead for all of us. Change is in the air.  The transition from our Colorado winter to the long awaited summer has been long and arduous. But it is here, finally. The transition of our seasons reminds us that the only constant in life is really God.So placing our daily trust in God--who never changes is indeed my anchor in this big season of transition. The changing seasons remind us that eveything in this life changes. The only rock is God.